Paris Hilton only needs one thing — and it’s not on her glittering, gaudy wedding registry

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There is still time to buy Paris Hilton a wedding gift.

Maybe the Christofle MOOD Party Tray for $985 (all figures U.S.)? How about the Buccellati Double Linenfold 8×10 Sterling Frame for $3,200? Scrolling through Ms Hilton’s registry at Gearys Beverly Hills is a crash course in conspicuous consumption. Why anyone needs the Lalique Double Fish, Gold Luster miniature sculpture is a mystery.

But, apparently, Paris needs it — and it will cost someone $2,150.

The heiress is getting married on Nov. 11. In a twist of wedding-ratings synergy, that’s also the date her new Peacock show, “Paris in Love,” starts streaming. Decades from now, I would not be surprised if her handlers hatch a plan to have her funeral take place on the same day “Paris is Dead” debuts on Bravo.

To stay in the public eye is to never blink away from publicity.

The groom is Carter Reum, a 40-year-old entrepreneur and venture capitalist. While his net worth is a sliver of the bride’s — if I worked at William Yeoward Crystal, I’d pitch a product called the His & Her Prenup Sheath Case — there is no evidence to suggest he eats Kraft Dinner off Royal Chinet and, thus, is too hard up for Hermès Mosaique Au 24 Platinium American Dinner Plates.

These two can already afford to buy Kamloops.

A Baccarat Missouri Harcourt Mustard Jar is the least of it. A celebrity gift registry is like getting a glimpse into the lifestyle of a different species.

But here’s the thing: if a celebrity wants to use her platform to raise awareness for social issues, that registry can soon morph into a clearinghouse of moans and eye-rolls.

A few days ago, Hilton posted a link on Instagram to an op-ed she wrote for the Washington Post. She is calling for “comprehensive reform for youth in congregate care,” an often-grim predicament for which she has first-hand experience.

Her Post column was headlined, “America’s ‘troubled teen industry’ needs reform so kids can avoid the abuse I endured.” In the piece, Hilton recalled being “awakened one night by two men with handcuffs” at the age of 16. She was taken to the airport, screaming for help, unaware this was a “parent-approved kidnapping.”

Or as she put it: “I was being sent to hell.”

Her parents had hired these “tough love” mercenaries to stomp out her “rebellious behaviour.” Instead, Paris “endured physical and psychological abuse by staff: I was choked, slapped across the face, spied on while showering and deprived of sleep. I was called vulgar names and forced to take medication without a diagnosis.”

It’s a harrowing column. And as Paris framed it on Instagram, she is now “an advocate and fighter for all survivors and I’m proud to be taking on the multi-billion dollar industry of thousands of these facilities that profits off of abusing children and teens. Change is needed now and I won’t stop until it is made.”

Bravo, Paris. Really. Helping abused children is a noble and worthy cause.

But if the plan is to currently take on that huge industry, a simultaneous wedding gift registry that includes a $1,470 set of six Mosaique Tumblers is going to create cognitive dissonance. I’m not trying to be a killjoy. I’m not begrudging a bride of the material trappings she covets. I know everything in life is relative.

When I pass a homeless person on the street, I always try to hand over a couple of bucks because, compared to them, I know I am a scaled-down Paris Hilton.

So instead of asking for a Gold-Plated Salad Spoon ($880) or Clairfontaine Perfume Bottle ($485), what if Paris had told her family and friends to instead donate to the grassroots organizations waging war with the “troubled teen industry”? The $3,000 on a Lalique Pivoines Bowl could pay for food, shelter and therapy for an abused kid. The $4,900 on a Naiades Clear Vase could alter the trajectory of a young life.

Paris, put your money — or the money of your family and friends — where your mouth is. The crazy part is it’s not as if the bride and groom are a young couple starting a new life who desperately need dinner plates and cereal bowls. They already have multiple mansions that are each no doubt stocked like a Williams-Sonoma warehouse. If I had to guess, I’d say Paris’s fingerprints could not be found on at least 80 per cent of the silverware, gadgets, frivolous tchotchkes and designer gewgaws that now animate her natural habitat. As of Wednesday morning, someone bought her the $1,845 Ercuis Transat Caviar-Vodka Set. I bet good money it never gets unboxed.

Paris Hilton does not need a wedding registry because she already has every possession, times 100, any human being could possibly ever need. What she does need, though, is to draw attention to the abuse she allegedly endured as a teen — the abuse other teens continue to endure, which is why she went to Washington.

And right now, that attention is overshadowed by a $1,220 candle holder.

That’s why her glittering wedding registry symbolizes a lost opportunity.

Any celebrity gift list always raises the same first question: why does a celebrity need these gifts? But if that celebrity is also trying to fight injustice, that gift registry starts to feel like an albatross around the neck of intent and priorities.

Paris Hilton deserves the wedding of her dreams. No argument here.

But those dreams won’t help mitigate the nightmares she wants to end.





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